Ebb and flow
On moving with the tides of creativity and life
I’ve never been the kind of writer who sits down every day to write, no matter what. Despite the accepted wisdom that in order to take your craft seriously you must apply your arse to the seat and just write, that has never felt natural to me. Time spent staring at a blank page is time wasted, and I learned long ago to allow myself to drift away for a bit when needed, safe in the knowledge that my writing will always be there and that I will return when I am ready and have something to say.
Still, I am conscious that maintaining some level of consistency is important (not least of all because I enjoy connecting with you, my readers) and that my reluctance to write may be worth examining to ensure that it’s not fear, distraction, or procrastination that’s holding me back. In my case and in this instance, I think it’s just that I’m content right now, busy thinking about other, more practical things.
Lately, I’ve been in spring cleaning mode, emptying drawers and cupboards to clean and reorganise them, sorting clothes to sell or donate, getting quotes for home improvement projects we need to undertake, tidying up the garden, and so on. I’ve also been cooking and baking more, taking great pleasure in pottering around the kitchen listening to music or podcasts while I roast chickens, make soup, bake muffins, and chop veggies. Though we don’t eat much processed food on the whole, my husband and I have both become more interested in reducing that even further by investing more time into cooking from scratch whenever possible. We’ve also been looking at how we can make our home more eco-friendly, replacing disposable items with reusable ones and buying the things we need from local businesses and more ethical sources (goodbye, Amazon!).
It’s felt good to take back control of the disorder that had come to dominate our lives, too busy on the hamster wheel of life to actually enjoy the home we worked so hard to renovate over the last two years. Slowing down and seeing - really seeing - how nothing is more important than our health, home and happiness has brought me such peace and given me the space to explore new interests, strengthen relationships with family members and friends, and think more deeply and intuitively about issues that are important to me.
Of course, this has really only been possible since I decided to go part-time freelance. It’s been difficult financially to do so, but the rewards it has brought to both me and my family have been worth every sacrifice and penny pinched. Having this time to decompress, to focus on my health and well-being, to be here as a sounding board and source of support to my children without being depleted by the demands of scheduled work, to take some of the domestic burden off my husband’s plate so he can focus more on his own career right now, to ride the waves of my creativity and not feel pressured to force anything… it’s hard to describe how positive and monumentally healing it has been.
It can’t last forever, of course, nor would I want it to, but I feel incredibly grateful that I was able to recognise the signs of burnout before they became catastrophic this time, that I put myself first for once and have felt no guilt or shame about it. Finally, after a very rough few years, I have learned my worth, and it’s not wrapped up in how ‘productive’ I am or how much money I earn.
I can’t guarantee when my next long-form essay on a topical issue will emerge, but in the meantime I am welcoming the opportunity to talk about the smaller pleasures in life and get to know you all better. If you feel so inclined, I’d love to know a bit more about YOU - what you’re interested in, what you’re finding pleasure in right now, what you’re reading, listening to, or watching, what you’d like to see me write about. In the meantime, here’s a round-up of things I’ve enjoyed lately.
Books
Anything by Deborah Levy. I’ve been gobbling up her back catalogue like a hungry caterpillar and am just about to start reading her novel Swimming Home.
Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler. Published in 1993 but set primarily in 2025, this fantastic dystopian novel took my breath away with it’s bone-chilling prescience. It’s been on my shelf for a couple years and I’m so glad I waited for the right time to read it. Brilliant, brilliant stuff. I’ll definitely be checking out more of Butler’s work.
TV
Along with much of the country/world, I watched Adolescence last week and was absolutely blown away. I haven’t stopped thinking about it and am rewatching it already. Phenomenal writing, acting, and one-take camera work that will win loads of awards, rightly so. I’ll undoubtedly write something soon on its themes but am still mulling it over before I do.
The Pitt is a US medical drama starring Noah Wyle of ER fame, with Carter all grown up and running the emergency department [Note: The Pitt is not a spinoff of ER in any way, but Wyle will always be Carter to me]. Another one-take show where every episode grabs you by the throat and doesn’t let go until the end credits roll, and one of the most accurate portrayals of a hospital environment I’ve ever seen.
I recently rewatched all of Mad Men and picked up on so many subtleties that I hadn’t quite grasped the first time. One of my favourite shows, even if the sexism made me want to throw things at the screen. The episode where everyone in the office finds out that Don and Megan are getting married and Peggy goes into Joan’s office for a gossip about it will forever be one of my favourite scenes.
Podcasts
I love podcasts about books, writing and creativity. These are some of my favourites:
The Shit No One Tells You About Writing
Sara and Cariad’s Weirdos Book Club
The Creative Nonfiction Podcast
Next time
Starting in my next newsletter, I’ll also be linking to other Substack posts and other Substackers whose work I enjoy. I just have to catch up on my inbox myself first!
I hope you all have a lovely weekend, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.